apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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