bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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