Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
