I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
