this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
