I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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