Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
