i don't like sucking hair
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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