She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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