your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
