Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
