so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
