chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
