Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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