So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
