Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
