We won't sleep together?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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