I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
