i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
