my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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