you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Randomize
