You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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