sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
