he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
