so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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