its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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