In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
