I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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