Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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