I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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