Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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