Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
