Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
