How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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