Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
