i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
