I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
