insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
