So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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