did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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