Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
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