I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
