420 ftw
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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