What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
