I puked a lego.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
