I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
