Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
