I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
