BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
