Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
