It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
