I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
