DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
