You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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