why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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