Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Randomize
