I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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